He's hiding something from me...

I was talking with him on the phone when he asked me, "Is appa there?"
I said, "no, I am at work.."
"Ohhh, then never mind" he said.
I asked him "why?"
"It's a secret! I will only tell appa..." he replied firmly.

"How could you have secrets from me?" feeling a little taken aback..
"No, its not like that. It's about my plans for Mother's Day.. and that's why I can't tell you." he pacified me.
Arrgghh! I made him tell... *regret*
"Ohhh.. ok." feeling better knowing that he had a valid reason to hide it from me *BIG grin*
"By the way, can you wake up at 11am on Sunday?" he asks me..
"How can I? You have Sunday school.. I have to prepare your breakfast.." I told him.
"Arghh! *silence* You think I can not go to Sunday school this week?" trying his luck..
"You'll have to ask your father this.." being not sure what to tell him.. since he seems like he has a plan for me on Mother's Day..

Even if he is unable to proceed with his plans.. I am already sooooo touch! Thytus, you are just toooo sweet! I love you baby...

Different answer

“Do you love me?” I asked Aaron.
“I love appa” he answered. Hmmpphh! I knew that.. since he is appa’s chellam. But I had to continue bugging him :)
“You don’t love me?” *pause* “I love you!” I replied.
“I love amma..” he said. Phew! *relieve*
But he didn’t stop there.. unlike his brothers, Aaron continued..
“I love anna, I love chinna anna, I love chella thambhi..” *touched*

I’m impressed!

He has followed me to send his brothes to school since he was 1. He did express interest to go to school when he was 3 years old, but since both Thytus and Nixon didn’t stay in school more than two days at the same age, we decided that he should just stay home and enjoy his childhood, and send him when he is 4, just like his brothers.

Today, after waiting for a long long time.. the day has arrived, finally!

Both Thytus and Nixon had either their cousins or each other to accompany them to school, but Aaron is all alone. Despite the fact that he is unaccompanied, he portrays a distinctive sense of independence.

He didn’t need me to walk him to his class.
He didn’t need me to find him a seat.
He didn’t need me to be with him when he played in the playground before the bell rang.
He didn’t need me to stay with him in class (even when ¾ of his friends were wailing!)

What impressed me more is that he was able to get on the van after school, all by himself. I didn’t even show him who is the van driver.. which means he followed the teacher’s instructions and safely returned home without any qualms.

The first thing he asked when he got home is his ‘susu’ :) He usually drinks susu as often as he can think off.. and being in school has forced him to let off his at least 1 or 2 of his ‘susu’ sessions.

I was actually afraid that he might be shaken off being surrounded by wailing children.. but he proved me that he was not disturbed. I am proud of you my baby!

Bonding with him

One of the gifts from the 25 Days to Christmas count down was a DVD - the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Thytus watched the movie at appayee’s (paternal grandma) house while I was at work.

When I asked him how the movie was, he said, “The movie was good. Amma… you should watch the movie with me.”

I said lovingly agreed to comply.

Last night, I asked him to put on the DVD while I was checking my mails on my laptop.. in front of the TV. The movie began.. and in between of scenes that I missed, I asked him what just happened and he did take pleasure in answering me.

After a couple of times bugging him, he finally told me, “Amma, I think you should just of the laptop and watch the movie with me. Then you don’t have to ask so many questions.. you will know what is happening..”

Ooopps!

I shamefully complied.. immediately.

At the end of the movie, I was pleased that I spent a solid 2 hours (with no distrations) watching the movie with my son. I felt good!

Ingenious birthday plan

We had this conversation regarding my upcoming birthday.

Me: I will be in Hong Kong during my birthday next month you know.

Thytus: Is it? Never mind lah. We will celebrate when you get back home.. just us.. our family only, OK?

Me: Ok. *feeling touched* That's soo sweet of you. Will you call and wish me on my birthday?

Thytus: Yeah. And, on your birthday, I will invite everybody for you.

Me: Why? When we celebrate a birthday, the person has to be there. I won’t be here.. *confused* They will have to wish me, sing a song for me, etc..

Thytus: I know. When they all have arrived, we will call you and wish you on the phone one by one. Then, we will sing the birthday song for you..

Me: I will also have to cut the cake you know!

Thytus: Don’t worry, we will cut the cake for you.

Nixon: NO! I will cut the cake for amma! *making it clear*

Thytus: Then when you come back, we will have another small celebration.. our family only lah.. u know, just us.

My little fellow, planned my birthday out - found a way to celebrate with family and include me in even when I am overseas. I love your plan, baby! *hugs*

It means a lot to them

Usually, apps and I bid bye in the mornings with a kiss. As I was rushing out on Monday morning, we forgot to kiss goodbye.

Just as I took the corner near the house, Nixon reminded me that apps and I didn’t kiss. I was taken aback that he took note of our practice and that he was disturbed that we forgot about it!

Not too far from the house, I remembered that I forgot to take something. So, I made a u-turn to go back home and get it. When Nixon knew I was going back home, he immediately said, “Now you can go back and kiss appa!”

When I got back, I had to call apps out for the kiss, and I could see Nixon beaming with a broad smile. *phew*

I realize that the family traditions that we have instilled in the boys means a lot to them. Nowadays, when I speak to them over the phone, they never fail to say ILU amma. But if they do, and if they have passed the receiver to the other sibling, they will insist that they speak to me again, just to say “ILU amma”.

I’ll always be there

I casually asked Thytus.. “This Friday is ur sports day. Are parents supposed to come?”

“Parents wanna come also can come.. Parents don’t wanna come also can don’t come” he said.. and continued, “But I want you to come!”

Secret Code

At home, when I say my good nights to the boys, I continue with “I love you, [name/sayang/baby]”. They will lovingly reply me “I love you too, amma”.

But when I call them at their grandparents house, or when they are out, they don’t seem to reply me “I love you too, amma”. I realized that they are shy to express themselves in front of others.

Wow! That really shows how my sons have grown from little boys to big boys who can be shy saying I love you even to their mother. *sigh* But I dodn’t want this love expressions to die off.. I wanted it to stay!

So, we agreed to a secret code for us to use.. ILU for I love you!

Now, I just say “ILU [name/sayang/baby]”, and I get my reply, “ILU amma”.
P.S. I hope they don’t outgrow our little secret code ;)

No choice!

Christmas is here.. and we have a long list of Christmas shopping to do!

We were wondering how to do our shopping with 4 kids tagging along.. but we have no choice! In between shopping, we have to ...

* entertain them,
* answer the inquisitive questions,
* feed the 'not hungry' mouths, even after they have just had their meal,
* watch the 'non-stop walking' legs closely just in case they wander off,
* warn all those 'touch-everything-I-see' hands.

Having found that it is a bit difficult and may take us ages to complete our shopping lists (and also tiring), we decided to do it based on zones.. adult men, adult ladies, children, teens and iscellaneous.

That’s five. So far, 2 down, and 3 more to go!

The 1, 2, 3 sounds familiar

When I used the 1, 2, 3 formula, amma recognized the 1, 2, 3 from the days that she was cautioning us (thambhi and I).

Amma, I learn from the best on how to bring up my children. I found that the 1, 2, 3 formula works on my kids the way it worked for us ;)

Psst, I even use the formula whereby “if you come here, I beat you once (or do not get any beating), if I get to you, I get it double!” That works very well too!

I count 1, 2, 3 to give them a chance to stop any wrong doing, and the boys will stop whatever they are up to before I get to 3. If they don't I would have to get there to smack them!

He knew the difference

Champion drank breast milk for only 1 ½ months. When he was a month old, I was not feeling well and I had to be put on antibiotics, with which, my milk supply dropped tremendously. I would also blame my lack of knowledge and understanding on how to express and store breast milk, otherwise, I would have done the necessary to maintain my milk supply while still on medication :(

On the other hand, lil’ President was able to drink breast milk for 4 months. However, after my 2 months of confinement leave, he only drank direct in the nights while he was fed formula in the day as he was not accepting stored milk well.

Now, fortunately, with lots of guidance my milk supply is going steady. As my fridge is getting fuller, I suddenly had a thought.. Why not let Champion and lil’ President have some breast milk this time? Guess what.. amma had the same thought the very next day.. what a coincidence :)

Last night, I mixed just 1 oz. of breast milk into their milk without their knowledge.

Lil’ President lied down to drink the milk, but when he tasted the milk, his face changed. He said "This taste like Aaron's milk lah.. " After denying him, he tried again. After few sucks, he returned the bottle saying, "This is Aaron’s milk. Not nice.."

Champion finished the milk happily. I wonder whether he realized the difference and liked the milk. He even finished lil’ President remaining milk.. (like he always does!)

I think I shall try it again tonight.. ;)

A lesson learnt

Impressed and shocked by her grandson, this story was retold by amma...

My grandson was jumping on the sofa. Then, I caught him trying to get to the highest point of the sofa. I told him, "Champion, only stupid children will want to do that.." and before I could say do not climb, he turned to me with a stern stare and with his little pointer pointing to me, he said loud and clear, "You cannot say that word." We were shocked and his grandfather echoed to me "You cannot say that word."

That day.. our little grandson taught us what cannot be said. Nowadays, when I tell something to papa, anything not so pleasant he tells me you cannot tell that word.

When Champion is angry with his brother who is trying to grab something away from him.. he them mumbles, scolds and pushes lil' President away.. using the word 'stupid'. That's when I come into scene and warn him against using that word.

All this while, I was not sure whether he had caught what I said because he does use it now and then.. forgetting my warning. But now I know.. he understood me and keeps it in his mind when he spontaneously reprimanded amma!

A weekend felt like a week

Appa and amma wanted to me to have some rest.. so they took both the boys over the weekend to their place. The boys were extremely excited, I must say.

After the boys left, when apps and I walked into the house we felt the weird silence. After a few hours of watching TV, we admitted that we missed the boys!

It's not the same,
When you boys are not home.

You make the noise,
You make the mess,
Now, it feels like we don't mind them ...

You both fight,
You both fuss,
Now, it makes us miss you both ...

It's just not the same when you both are not around!

Believe it or not! The weekend seemed like a week to me...

Hmm.. I wonder how am I going to survive my one week business trip end of this month away from home, from apps, and especially... away from the boys.

I do it my way.. and it works!

Apps has a problem of attending to both the boys, especially at the same time. When one is being carried, the other will ask to carried too, "Carry two two.." they will say. Apps being easily bullied, he carries both of them together!

Wherever he goes in the house, both will follow. Champion who prefers to be carried, will make apps carry him the moment he knows apps is moving away from him. Lil' President, if not sleepy, he too will go running behind apps, to be carried.

As for me, I don't entertain their request of carrying them. Most of the time, I insist on them to walk by themselves. I have a bad back and they are not light anymore!

When I have some work to do in the kitchen and need them to play by themselves and not fuss around.. I would ask Champion to take care of lil' President. When I give him this responsibility, he feels important. He will say "Okay.." and will lead lil' President to the living room and play together.

On normal times, there would be points when they fight for the same toy and find it difficult to give in. They do end up beating, biting, pushing, throwing a toy, etc. However, during the 'responsibilty' times, I notice that Champion will not fight for a toy.. on the other hand, he would give in to his brother. How sweet..

When lil' President is up to no good, he will also be fast to tell us. I find it very helpful as I can act fast, especially when he is doing things behind my back.

Somehow, if apps try my methods, it wouldn't work. The boys know their father.. they know they can bully apps, and they cannot do the same with me ;)

They are still doing it...

...but till when?

Every time I park my car at my in-laws, one of them will spot the car and call out for his brother. Both of them will run up to the grill and scream on top of their lungs for me. How I love going back to them! *sigh*

When I get in the house, both will give me a hug, and continue to hold my hand and follow me around the house. Hmm, they must have missed me so much!

But until when will they be running up to me?

Sometimes, I worry about it.. How long more will my sons be attached to us? How long more will they want our touch? Will they outgrow these loving gestures?

I remember one night, when I asked Champion to move a little away from me and sleep more comfortably by himself. He didn't move, but replied, "No, I want to touch your body only.." *sigh*

They may change as they grow, and I will have to accept it. But until then, I better cherish those beautiful moments when they are still lasting ;)

Parenting.. always amusing!

Yesterday, Champion was playing a bit roughly with me… and he ended up kicking my cheek. It was a bit painful.. as I could feel my jaw ache on the other side!

Concerned that he had hurt me and he could hurt others the same way, I had to caution him. I smacked his leg, told him that he should not kick people and asked him what he should say to me.

"Please.."

"Huh? Not please lah. You hurt me, so what must you say?"

"Please.. say please" he repeats.

"No, no.. that is the password when you want to ask something.. Now, you must say sorry."

He says, "Okay amma"

"So, now you must say sorry.."

"Okay amma.." as he was grabbing my hands that was trying to hit his leg. I was still waiting for him to say his sorry.

"I say.. say sorry" I continued.

Still laughing, he said, "Okay, okay amma.."

This went on for sometime..

Then I realised, this little boy now assumed I was saying sorry to him. Aiks!

We just ended up laughing. So much for parenting lessons! *sigh*

My brother, my friend..

I have heard many parents saying, “I want my next child to be a girl too” or “I want my next child to be a boy too”. They say this because they want their children to be there for each other as they grow up. They feel its better if both of them are of the same sex.

Why do they say this?

I believe it all goes back to personal experiences. They have a sibling of the opposite sex and both of them are not as close as they wanted to be.. They don’t seem to be able to share many things, many say.

On the contrary, I don’t have any problem with having a sibling of the opposite sex.

My one and only thambi..
my friend,
my companion,
my guardian,
my advisor.

My friend,
you and I, share lots of stories..

My companion,
you offer me companionship when I need company..

My guardian,
you had a watchful eye on me as we grew up..

My advisor,
I trust in you to advise me now and then..

Thambhi..
I know, I can always turn to you for anything!

As thambhi and I share many common things with each other and grew up closely, I believe that I could guide my children to be close to each other (siblings) as I was with thambhi. If I get a girl later, I want her to be close to her brothers, and not have them leave her alone and be with themselves.

For this relationship of love, I have to thank appa and amma. If not for their constant reminder to be loving to each other, we would not be as close as we are now.

I remember how appa and amma insisted that I call thambhi as thambhi and not my his name, and vice versa.. he calls me akka, and not by my name. Now, at an older age, I find this habit very loving. I believe this was the major step in our sibling relationship.

Now, I constantly remind the boys to call each other, anna/thambhi. As much as the boys can remember, they will call each other anna/thambhi. But sometimes, they do cheekily call each other names.

This early childhood may find them playful at calling each other names, but as they grow, I hope they address each other respectfully.. as how I found it to be an important part of my growing up lessons..
_________________________________
thambi - younger brother
akka -elder sister
anna - elder brother

My mum was mean...

... and so am I!

I received this forwarded email from my mum :)

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mum told me, I loved you enough… to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough. . to say NO when I knew you would HATE me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all.

I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.

Was your mum mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.

And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, and learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers; she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let our friend's just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 18.

Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated honest adults.. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mum was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean mums!

And what my mum had to say…

"How true. I was really a mean mum, but I loved my children. Now, I see my daughter picking up the trait. My grandchildren are in good hands, because their mum is a mean mum too."

Hahahaha. I totally agree. We are mean mums, isn’t it, amma? I know you were mean, and I undertsand why you were mean, and I choose to be mean TOO! :)

I have followed your trick of 1, 2, 3, and learnt from you that sometimes, little smacking works :)

Sorry boys, you have to face a mean mum as you grow up, but it is all for your own good ;)

Pssstt, boys, its all ammachi's fault! She is the one who taught me to be a GOOD mum, by being a MEAN mum :)

______________________________
ammachi : maternal grandmother

If not, amma …?

As part of my toilet training effort, I would ask Champion, every now and then, whether he wants to pee, and rush him to the toilet...

Even then, when I forget to remind him, and if he forgets, he would just do it in his nappy. It’s not like when he was younger, the nappy is good enough to hold his pee. Now that he is older, he pees more. Sometimes, it even wets the sofa. Arrgghh!

Since he doesn’t like the potty, I try to train him to do it in the toilet. He is quite okay with that. Many times I have reminded him, and he repeats after me...

Amms : If wanna ‘usa’ (tamil word for pee), go where?
Champion : Bathoom! (don’t wanna confuse him with the term bathroom and toilet just yet)
Amms : If not, amma...?
Champion : Beat you! (he gets a smack on the thigh)

He got it quite right, although he is directly repeating what I told him (instead of saying 'beat me'). But he still understands what I mean :)

Not that I really beat him.. but just to make him tell me when he wants to pee.. ;P

He used to only go to the toilet after we ask him whether he wanna pee, and when he says yes.

Last night, I asked him a few times whether he wanna pee, he said no. Later, he came to me and said 'usa', and rushed him to the toilet. He even was twisting his legs to hold his pee. So young also know how to hold already ;)

Then my maid told me that the whole day he had been telling if he wanted to pee, except for once when he forgot.

Yipee! My Champion is on the way to his toilet training..

Am I doing it right?

Sometimes I wonder “Will I bring up my children the right way?”
But wait! What is defined as the ‘right way’?

Okay, never mind that. I don’t think anyone can come up with a manual for doing it right, isn't it?. Even if they do, the human machine we have around will not necessarily follow instructions :)

So, we have to carefully think and monitor ourselves, on how we are bringing up the kids.

Many times, I have hoped that I can bring up my kids the way my parents brought me up. I can say, I am quite happy of the person I am today. I must not forget,

I am what I am because of them!

With that, I know I am following a bit of the way amms brought us up.. (with some modifications here and there, to suit the age and necessity)

One example of me following amms is the counting. Counting 1, 2, 3! Funny ah? How can 1, 2, 3 be implemented in disciplining a child?!

Whenever we are naughty and we deserve a spank or two, amms will call out to us. Of course, being disobedient and scared, we would not approach her. Then, her counting starts. She says, “If I come to you, you will get more. If you come to me, you will get less.” Then she counts, “1.., 2.., 3!” Normally, before she finishes the 3, we are next to her. And then its finished.

Hmm, I wonder whether were we naughty enough to run away from her. I can’t remember. But I know, when we got back, we would have got it anyway, even more. So, I hope we didn’t run away ;P

Now, I am following suit. When Champion is naughty or is doing something dangerous, I will tell him not to do it. If he is nice, he will stop. Naturally, kids are supposed to be naughty. So, when he is feeling mischievous, he will not obey me.

Aaah! Then I need to count. When I start counting, he knows he has to stop his naughty / dangerous activity before my count ends. Otherwise, he knows he will get a small smack on his leg / butt.

It usually works!

I find it very useful. When we go out, I can use the same practice. This way, I get the message across that he has to stop before my count ends without raising my voice, while he understands my message without embarrassing himself.

When apps saw how my counting works, he tried it himself. Unfortunately, it did not work.. Hahahaha! Apparently, Champion only makes it applicable to the person who taught him :P

Apps, you have to find your own way of making it simple for the both of you :)

And of course, I followed the expressions of love she taught us.. And with Champion's verbal skills improving, he has moved from Oooo much! to Lovu!